Empty Nest

I've not blogged in a while for a number of reasons. 1.) I've really not had--or made--time to. And, 2.) I've been processing what I'm going to say in this post for a while, turning it over in my head again and again, trying to get the words just right. But, alas, there are no perfect words to express the feelings I have right now about life, my career, the end of another year, so I'll just ramble in a very English teacher-like, cohesive manner. Bear with me.

And, I realize this blog has evolved mainly into an outlet for my feelings about teaching--the woes and triumphs. But, that's what consumes me. I do it because I love it, because it drives me, because I give it my EVERYTHING. I am many personas, and one of those labels says I am a TEACHER. For good, for bad; for better, for worse; for richer...for poorer. :) I cannot apologize for who I am.

Eleven years ago, my senior year, I started working with a group of first and second graders in the after school program...they are the graduating class of 2007. Set to fly away tomorrow night, May 25. My babies. I started teaching that same class in 6th grade as a substitute, had them in 7th for keyboarding class, 8th for multimedia, and 9th for literature. I've been their senior advisor for the past four years. I've seen them through the deaths of two classmates to drug overdoses, a generous amount of ignorant high school drama, several proms and formals, 850 late passes, a host of make-up courses at MEC, ten tree's worth of recommendation letters, and countless hours of tutoring, essay writing, and advice sessions. I know them all too well (some, better than they know themselves), and they the same with me. NO, I don't have kids, I don't exactly know the fervor that comes with a "mother's love," and I certainly don't feel the same sense of loss--and relief--that many of their parents are feeling right now. But, just the same, when those 165 kids walked out of this building last Friday for the last time--19 of them in my homeroom, and a good 60 more of them my "kids,"--I experienced that old adage that's called "Empty Nest" syndrome.

It's crazy. For as much grief and frustration as they've put me through in the past four years, I find myself feeling emotions that are hard to grasp. Granted, I am very happy they are graduating. VERY happy. But, these halls, this classroom, that for 180 days out of the year, became occupied by at least one of them, at any given time of the day, feel somewhat empty. Sleeping on the floor, working like mad to finish an essay due the next block, listening to me intently as I teach the current freshmen, recalling their own days in my class, just hanging out, saving my sanity when I felt like I could lose it.

I'll never, ever forget the memories...

Cason's 1st grade bowling birthday party, and him walking up to me on my high school graduation night to give me a gift
Babysitting Jordan...trips to town, errands to run, and ball practice
Babysitting La...watching her eat raw Bisquick mix before I could make the pancakes
6th-8th grade typing class in the trailer at the middle school...commonly referred to as "the ghetto days"
Eddie screaming out a random curse in the middle of a 7th grade typing lesson gone bad : )
9th grade, 2nd block, reading Romeo and Juliet with Jake Stevens as Romeo, so in love with La as Juliet that he put his ALL into that part, every line he said to her he meant!
Chris Hampton warning me in 3rd block, 9th lit.: "Krieger, I'm going to cuss in 5,4,3,2,1...sh*t."
Stolen cheesecakes in homeroom...TAYLOR!...and Cody Huggins running to catch the thief...and he did!
Teary-eyed parent conferences over kids who just don't get it...and probably won't for a while
Ashtin always outside the door in homeroom, keepin' it real...
Colton bringing me a hash brown from McD.'s almost every morning for two years
Corey coming in to watch the '96 Romeo and Juliet movie at least once each year since his freshmen year
Devan and his apathy over my "damn crappy TV" reception in homeroom
Packy (I can't believe he's actually graduating!) in my room at ALL hours of the day: "Hey dad!"
Josh Dills' (cuz) "Hello, Mrs. Krieger" guitar solo, at least one time at the end of every year
Michael Myrick, the fastest man on earth, runnin' down the soccer field...and from the law
Preparing the senior homecoming parade float this year...G&R's "Welcome to the Jungle!"
Kate, and first block peer facilitating..."Kate, hand me that folder. NO, not THAT one!" She's still the BEST! IF you know what I mean...!!
Robert Everett loading over 1,000 songs on my iTunes...fellow lover of Led Zeppelin
Watching episodes of Friends with Jess (pronounced "JE-USSS") during my planning last year and talking about life after all the basketball games
La and KC...everything...Magrin papers, light saber wars, driver's ed., Homestar Runner, and sleeping at Krieg's when her life seemed to be at its lowest point ever
Blubaugh coming to school without eyeliner: "Michelle, where are your eyes??! I can't see them!"
Amanda and Amber after school working on Magrin work (though they didn't pass the class), looking up Chuck Norris jokes and making me laugh out loud
Hoppy and his "infinite wisdom," his quotes on the board for the freshmen, and his Thoreau-esque outlook on life
Chorus Disney trip with Johnny and Grady..."THIS PLACE SUCKS!" and "Mustard Twins forever!"
Senior trip and Keith, Matt, and Taylor yelling "MOM!" over and over while I'm trying to pee in the bathroom at Islands of Adventure
WHOAH...LIVIN' ON A PRAYER!!
J.P., Godiva chocolate, makin' fun of 1st block freshmen, and the days of Ft. Blitzkrieg... J.P., he's so pretty...and G-off says he smells like Ivory soap...and he does...ha...

Last Friday, yearbook day, a group of about 25 seniors piled outside my door, in the floor, signing yearbooks, singing to Cory Smith's "I'm Not Gonna Cry" (But I did.)

Teaching is SOOO much more than "schooling."

So here I sit, the next to last day of school, thinking, crying, rejoicing, reminding myself not to wear eyeliner tomorrow night. How appropriate that they chose Dexter Freebish "Leavin' Town" as their senior class song. It's one of my all-time faves. : ) Time to make some more memories. I think The Verve said it best in a song: "But it's a bittersweet symphony, this life..." That's what I feel right now. I love my life. Not everyone could do what I do, so that makes it all worthwhile...the thank-you notes, the dozen or so invitations to graduation, the 10,000 hugs, the tears, the laughs, the countless number of times these past two weeks I've heard "I-don't-know-where-I-would-be-without-you." Oh, and the flowers just now delivered. Can't forget those. Wow. I am TRULY blessed.

I LOVE YOU, CLASS OF 2007. There will NEVER be another class like you all.